Sure, it’s easy to tell someone you love them, but have you
ever considered how to tell someone you love them without words?
It is important that you tell your someone you love them,
but it’s also important to put actions behind your words so that your person
not only hears that you love them but feels it!
So, how do you tell someone you love him or her without
words? Let me explain.
1. Love them as they would love to be loved.
I truly believe that one of the best tools in a successful
relationship is for each person to feel loved in their basic understanding of
what love is, one of those things is the thing that makes them feel the most
loved when they are done unto them. When a partner tries to love them using a
different love language, they don’t feel loved. Some would prefer some Quality
Time rather than some other things – I
feel loved when someone is truly present with me, listening to me, focusing on
me. Other feel the Physical Touch more than anything else and that why you will
find some couples walking holding hands on the beach for hours and yet they
don’t get enough of it, hugging them work too.
2. Acts of Service.
In the modern society the Acts of Service could be a very
effective way of showing people that you really care about them however most
often than not it gets mixed up with other duties and responsibilities of each
partner in the relationship– in this case people find themselves exhausted
having done great acts of service but they went unrecognized, like changing the
oil in the car or going to the grocery store. Stuff got done but neither of partner’s
does feel loved.
3. Take care of them but let them return the favor.
Everyone enjoys taking care of someone, but many of us are
really bad at letting people take care of us. Think about how good it feels
when you do something nice for someone. How it connects you to that person and
makes you feel good about yourself. Imagine how good it would feel for your
partner to do something for you. So let them! Even if you can do it for
yourself, let them do it. Let them feel good about helping you. It is an
excellent way to show someone you love them — to let them show you the same.
4. Hear them.
An important part of being loved is feeling connected.
I had a friend who wanted his girlfriend to know that he
loved her. He thought that the best way to do that was by making sure they had
good memories. So he arranged trips and dinners and other expensive things
hoping to create wonderful memories.
His girlfriend expressed her dismay that he was spending so
much money on her and he brushed it off, telling her that she was worth it. She
wasn’t happy. I suggested that he tell her that he recognizes and respects her
concerns and that he has arranged some free things that they can do together to
build memories. She was happy. Being seen, heard, understood and acknowledged
is an important part of feeling loved.
5. Share their passions.
I have a passion on cars and nothing hit me in as when you
take time and appreciated my passion for machines. If my girl would find
sometime and be with me as work around cars it would really mean a lot to me,
whether it’s a rally attendance, a trip to the garage or so.
My guess is by supporting your partner’s passions, you are
letting them know that you respect and love who they are as a person. And
sulking in a corner because you don’t like what they are doing isn’t going to
buy you any love at all.
6. Don’t be critical.
You know how you feel when you go to visit your in-laws and
your mother-in-law makes some passive aggressive, disparaging comment about
something you did. You know how shitty that makes you feel? And you don’t even
really like your mother-in-law. Now imagine what your partner, who loves you,
must feel like when you are critical of them. Mind you that those constant
critics will start to fall over dead ears f they go overboard. That’s the
nature of human brain it becomes immune to such words and it doesn’t ring the
bell anymore as its cushioned against such critics.
So, be careful not to be critical. If you have something to
say, say it with love. And if it doesn’t need to be said, don’t say it. Life
will go on if his hair isn’t just right, or perhaps you can fix it for him,
which in fact will pull you closer to him.
7. Don’t take things personally.
There is nothing more insidious in a relationship than not
forgiving someone for a wrong. And for some reason, couples who love each other
are really, really good at not forgiving each other. If someone does something
wrong, nothing they do will make up for that wrong, and that wrong will be
played out verbally, over and over, forever. People are only human. We do
things that hurt people. Rarely do we do things to hurt someone on purpose. And
yet, in relationships, we often take the thing that someone does to us so
personally that we refuse to believe that they didn’t set out to hurt us. And
that is unforgivable.
Imagine if you’re getting home one night having missed a
date you had planned. Maybe you were delayed at work and then got stuck in
traffic, and it’s a disaster. She will take it personally. If you loved me, she
will say, you would have gotten home on time. The reality is you do love her. He just didn’t
allow yourself enough time. And you blew it, but you do love her. And it’s
important for her to understand that. And it makes it easier to forgive. You
were late. Didn’t plan well. Blew it but bottom line you do love her.
Of course, another piece of forgiveness is that the
wrong-doer must apologize for the hurt caused. Because therein lies the issue
that will carry forth forever – the hurt. Not so much the actions but the
resulting feelings. So, don’t take things personally. Apologize for the hurt.
Forgive and move on.
8. Never show contempt.
If there is one thing that kills love, it’s contempt. Do
anything that you can to keep it out of your relationship. Contempt seems to
rear its ugly head when wrongs fester, when people don’t forgive, when being
critical is the norm and respect is lost. Contempt manifests itself with
derisive comments about your partner, comments about who they are as a person.
Therapists say that when they see contempt in a
relationship, they know that it’s close to over. So, if you find yourself
acting contemptuously, STOP, assess, and figure out what needs to be done. Don’t
let contempt kill love. Because it will.
If you are wondering how to tell someone you love them
without words, there are many ways to do so. You hug them and kiss them and be
intimate with them and tell them that they are wonderful and hang out with
their friends and visit their mother. All of those things are an excellent way
to show you someone you love them.
But always remember they will have a hard time accepting
your love if you aren’t willing to forgive them, if you can’t support them and
are constantly critical of them. Back up your kisses with words and actions and
they will know that you are the one for them.